Forever Yours
by OnceUponATime.TheEnd
Summary: A letter from Kaoru to Hikaru. Please review and read the authors note at the bottom! I need to know what you guys think about this being a chapter story!
1. Forever Yours

**Ouran Highschool Host Club © Bisco Hatori**

_Dearest Hikaru,_

_Is it weird to start a note to your brother like that? Anyways, I just wanted to let you know that I'm sorry. I never wanted it to go this far… But I just couldn't take it anymore… By now, you're probably wondering what in the world I'm talking about, huh? I guess I should start from the beginning._

_We've always been together Hikaru. Since the very moment I was born, you were there with me. All the way through grade school, middle school, and now in high school… Something long overdue has finally come. We're drifting apart. _

_I've heard that you only ever need one person in your life… And my time as that person is now over. Because now you have her. Haruhi Fujioka. I don't mean to sound hateful or anything, because that's the last thing I want to come across as. I don't hate either of you, or anyone for that matter. I don't blame you._

_But the point is, all you need is Haruhi now. From now on, I'll just be your shoulder when you need it. Maybe someday you'll come back to me. And it may sound selfish, but… I just can't wait that long. _

_I can imagine endless years of waiting for you. Waiting and waiting. And in that time, you and Haruhi will have gotten together. You will have started dating and getting closer… And you will have started ignoring me. I know that I've always been the supportive little brother, but I don't think that my heart or my head will be able to survive that kind of life._

_So this is what it comes down to. I didn't go to school today. You asked me if I was sure I wanted to spend the day alone, I said yes. At first you tried to refuse, but when Haruhi was mentioned you bolted right out the door without so much as a goodbye. That was the first time I cried today._

_And as I write this letter, I'm wondering about what you'll think when you get home. I honestly don't want to hurt you, but this is something I need to do. I can't stand not having you by my side all day, every day. Because, Hikaru…_

_I love you._

_And call it wrong, but not just in the brotherly way. It really makes me mad when people say that homosexuality is wrong. Imagine if suddenly, laws changed and being straight was now seen as immoral and disgusting. How would everybody else feel? Like there rights were being infringed upon? Like they were being kept from having a relationship? Having love? _

_Because really, that's exactly how homosexuals feel. All their doing is loving someone with all of their heart. And to have everyone against you? Saying that what you feel is wrong? A sin? It hurts so much to hear someone say that. Sometimes, I wish we weren't twins. Not that I don't love you as my twin Hikaru, but just so that my love for you wouldn't be seen as something completely incestuous and taboo. I wish that I could've met you and fallen in love with you and our relationship wouldn't be frowned upon as much as it would be for brothers to love each other like that. Sometimes, I wish that something in the world would change. That everyone would be seen as equals. No matter what they were. Straight, bisexual, homosexual or asexual. _

_Really, homosexuality is nothing to be ashamed of. What is it that makes it so bad? That we're the same gender? What difference does that make? What are your reasons for loving your own love? Their looks? Because if that was your answer, maybe you don't really love them. But if you answered something like, their personality or how they treat you, what if all of those traits belonged to a boy?_

_Can you honestly say that you wouldn't love them because they were the same sex as you? Because that's just being biased! Wait. I'm sorry Hika. I'm ranting. The point of this letter wasn't to make anyone feel bad, it was a goodbye note._

_Yes. You did just read that right. This is a goodbye note. I don't mean to cause you pain or anything, but I simply can't take it anymore. I'm done. _

_So I'm writing this note to let you know that no matter what, through countless years, I'll never forget you and through countless years, I'll never stop loving you. I know that you'll forget about me soon enough, with everything that'll be on your mind. But I will always remember the years that we were by each other's sides. The years when we were all the other needed. When we were a single being. Those years when we would hide from whoever was trying to keep us apart. When we would never let go of each other no matter how weird anybody said we were, because all we needed was the other's love._

_I'll remember when Hikaru loved Kaoru and Kaoru loved Hikaru just as much._

_We were a single entity. I guess if you have two halves it makes a whole, but if you have three halves, there's still one half left over. And with my being that half, I don't have another part left over to run to when I feel lonely. Or proud. Or jealous. And if I don't have anybody, all of my feelings will be bottled up and I can't just let that happen. _

_I've reached the end of the line. And I'm so sorry Hikaru, but don't be mad at me. Or yourself, for that matter. This was NOT your fault. And if you're going to be sad, please don't be for too long. Because I wouldn't be able to handle it if my nii-san was sad because of me._

_And so Hikaru, these will be my last words. Please remember them. You can throw this paper away, and erase me from your mind entirely, but please remember, however vaguely, that somebody who loved you very much said these words:_

_I will never love another as much as I loved you Hikaru. Please know this. And please know that I wished with all my heart that I could've been enough for you, because you were everything to me. If I didn't have you, I would've felt empty inside, and I probably never would've known how true love or happiness felt. So I thank you._

_(Please read the following messages to the people listed)_

_Mother and Father: I'm so sorry about this. Don't blame Hika for my feelings. If you're going to be mad at someone, be mad at me. I know that you'll be able to cope… Eventually. At least you won't have to choose between two heirs anymore, huh? I love you both very much and I wish that you'll find happiness in everything you do._

_Mori-sempai and Hunny-sempai: Thank you both for being there for me whenever I needed it and providing me with such amazing friends to look up to. I wish I could've eaten cake with you guys one more time._

_Kyoya-sempai: I know that you always seem to be calculating and emotionless most of the time, but you can really be a great guy. You were always there for me when I need a friend, no matter what you said you had to do. I wish you would show that side more often. Everybody should be able to see you for who you really are, and not who you need to be._

_Haruhi: I know you, and I know that you'll probably blame yourself for my pain with all that: "If I hadn't been so blind, Kaoru would still be here" crap. This isn't your fault Haruhi, and the only thing I need to say to you is: Please keep my brother happy; please shower him with lots and lots of love, because between you and me, Hikaru is very spoiled! Hehe. You were one of my best friends Haruhi. Thank you._

_Tamaki-sempai: Thank you. I know this sounds really mean, but I'm glad you had to leave France. Not that I'm not sorry that you lost your mother, but if you hadn't transferred into Ouran Academy, Hikaru and I would still be closed off from the world. We would still ne those rude, selfish brats who didn't have any friends. So thank you a million times for expanding our horizons. I'm glad that Hikaru finally has the chance to have a life free of the burden that is Kaoru Hitachiin. Please continue to be there for him when I'm gone. I know that he'll need it most now. So, again… Thank you… Daddy._

_I'll miss you Hikaru. Never forget that. I love you._

_Forever yours, Kaoru Hitachiin_

Kaoru smiled weakly and set the note down on the dresser. When he reached the door, he took a last tender look around the room he had shared with his brother for so many years. A lone tear streaked down his face. He closed the door. When Hikaru got home from school later…

His little brother wouldn't be there.

**I might make this a chapter story, maybe just two chapters, about what happens when Hikaru comes home… Depends on how many reviews I get… At least 6? Or is that too much? Reviewing is good for the body, mentally and physically. **


	2. Forever Searching

**Ouran Highschool Host Club © Bisco Hatori**

**Okay guys. First of all, I want to say that I'm SO grateful for all the reviews you guys gave to chapter 1! I can honestly say that I didn't think it would be so popular! Secondly, I'm very very sorry that this is so late! I was on a cruise, and I had to research a bunch of stuff about the war on the Plains of Abraham, and Kaos, people are getting bored, hehe, sorry. So anyways, I decided to follow the layout of the previous chapter and do a corresponding letter from Hikaru to Kaoru. Anyways I hope you enjoy and I'll stop the uber long author's note now! (****Hides behind random convenient trash can and smiles nervously****)**

_Dear Kaoru,_

_I was a complete wreck when I found your letter. I cried for hours non-stop, I wouldn't leave our room to eat, and I would never be able to sleep. Ask anyone! …But you can't, right? Because you left. Why? Why would you leave me here? Without you!_

_I know that we've been together since we were born. I meant for it to be that way! Do you honestly think that I couldn't have just left and made my own friends all those years? We were together because I wanted to stay with you, Kaoru. I wanted to be there with you and protect you from harm and care for you to make up for it. I wanted to be the older brother that you adored because whenever I was around, nobody would be able to hurt you._

_But I can't do that when you're not even here for me to protect. Is it because we were 'drifting apart'? Is that really how you see it? Call me dumb, but I can't see how you thought I would ever be strong enough to leave you. It's like some sort of plague to you. You talk about it like it's death. Like it's something you can't avoid. And say it's a miracle, but I've been avoiding it for fifteen years now. It's not like it's a coincidence that no one ever came near us or tried to make friends with us. We weren't that scary. I just made it that way. I warned people off so that I had you all to myself. And if you were reading this, I don't know if you would be hurt or surprised by that or not, but I did it so we could spend all of the time that we had together._

_And by the way, who EVER said that I needed Haruhi? If it's true what you say, and you only need one person in your life, then since the very moment I was born, I only needed you. You don't sound hateful, but that would've been okay. You should hate me. You should blame me. If you, the smarter twin, thought we were drifting apart, I was probably being pretty damn oblivious to what you were feeling._

_I will always need you. Forever. I won't come back to you someday, because maybe you didn't notice, but I never left. I've always been here. In the shadows, pretending to make my own friends but only ever truly caring for you. Always trying to give you the best that life had to offer. And I guess that in the meanwhile, with all my work backstage, I never really got to spend that much time with you anymore._

_Maybe to you, all that time away was spent with Haruhi. But I don't love Haruhi. I don't even like her. Why would I start dating her? Much less ignoring you. I could never do that Kaoru. Because no matter how I try to occupy myself now, knowing that you aren't here, you always have a special spot reserved at the front of my mind. There will always be that little annoying voice in my head screaming: "Kaoru! Kaoru! Kaoru!" and even if I try my hardest to kill it, it's probably like, immortal or something._

_Is that why you didn't go to school today, Kaoru? I was wondering about that. I'm such and idiot. This is what you were planning? I asked you if you wanted to stay home because I was worried about you. You're the only one who can make me feel true, raw emotions like that. God, I should've asked more. I should've stayed home with you! Why didn't I just stay with you? This could've all been avoided! _

_And with what you said about me bolting out the door when you said 'Haruhi', it's all just a big misunderstanding. The reason I left when you mentioned her was because she and I were planning something. Did you remember that our birthday is today? I wanted to bring you to a commoner's restaurant. You know that one where you said you'd have loved to go to but didn't have the time? I was going to bring you there. Haruhi knows the owner and I left because she said I was going him today and I was late for the meeting._

_You cried? __I just__Please don't__ Never cry again, if you could. I hate it when you cry, little brother. When you feel pain it makes me feel miserable because I can't do anything about it. And when I can't do anything about it, you're left to suffer on your own, and you'd probably get it all mixed up and complicated in the huge mind of yours._

_Do you want to know what I thought when I got home? I was so excited to tell you where we were going today. I knew you would be excited about it and there was literally a spring in my step. I ran straight up to our room and I threw the door open to yell out 'happy birthday'. But what I saw wasn't you sitting in bed writing in your journal or watching TV; I saw your favorite sweater missing from where you laid it on your chair. I saw your wallet missing from the desk. I saw all of your clothes missing from the closet. And I saw a piece of paper on the bed with my name written on it._

_And when I finished reading that note I think I fainted. I assume one of the maids saw me and called the Host Club, thinking that they would be able to help. When they came, I don't know what happened, but they told me I was 'rocking myself back and forth in the corner and whimpering your name'. I have no troubles believing them. It sounds like something I would do._

_So they're making me write this letter for closure. The thing I don't understand is why you needed to do this. Surely there were other ways! Why didn't you just come talk to me or anyone else? But I know how you feel. I can't truthfully say that I wouldn't do the same thing if I were in your shoes. _

_Kaoru Hitachiin, you KNOW that no matter what happens, I will always accept you. I've said that a lot haven't I? I feel so many different emotions around you. When you lean close to me, my heart thumps against my chest. When you smile there are butterflies in my stomach. And when you're hurting, it feels like someone is gripping my heart and squeezing it with everything it has. I wondered for a long time why I felt this way only when I was with you and not anyone else. A few weeks ago, I realized…_

_I love you too._

_And I accepted that. I don't think it's wrong. I think it's perfectly okay for two guys to love each other. I only kept my feelings from you because I didn't know what you would think. I didn't know if you would be disgusted. I didn't want you to push me away and hate me forever. I wouldn't be able to handle that. But I guess that was a stupid mistake. Look at where that got me. I'm crying, rain or something down my cheeks. Not very poetic, but I was never strong in that category. It was always you that made all those metaphors that I didn't understand. Like that one about the carriage and the pumpkin? Anyway, I'm here crying and you're not here to comfort me and tell me everything's okay._

_I wish I could live in a world where incest and homosexuality weren't seen as taboos. Where people could be with whoever they wanted to be with and it wouldn't be frowned upon. No matter who it was. If it was another person of the same gender, or… their sibling, or something like that. I want everybody to be equal. _

_I don't think that I can ever forget about you. I might try to forget, but you can take comfort in the fact that until the day I die, even if there are a million things that should be on my mind, I will always think about you first. _

_When I take a shower, I'll remember how we used to take showers together. When I go to school, I'll remember how we used to exit the limo hand in hand. When I host, I'll remember your eyes peeking through your long eyelashes as we did our act. When I eat, I'll remember how we used to feed each other and laugh. When I lie alone at night, I'll remember the feeling of your chest pressed against mine and your arms wrapped around me. And when I wake up in the morning to an empty bed, I'll remember how you used to greet me with a smile and a kiss on the cheek._

_How could I not be sad for a long time? I wouldn't be shocked if I was depressed for the rest of my life. Can you honestly say that you would get over it quickly if I randomly left you with only a goodbye note and no clue of where I was? Would you not hurt?_

_I won't throw your letter away. I will carry it until the end of time if I have to. But I want you to know this. I hope that wherever you are, you will hear it and understand._

_I miss you. I hated that I was so blind. Maybe if I payed more attention to your actions, I would've been able to help you get past this and back to normal. You should've just TALKED to me Kaoru! I could've helped you! I miss you so much. I will not stop until you are found. Because I love you Kaoru. If you're not found, I'll love you more than you'll ever know. I would go to the ends of the universe if I had to. I would do anything for you, no matter what it was. I'm almost at my breaking point knowing that if we never find you, I'll never have anyone to hold when I'm happy or hug when I'm sad. I'll never have someone to calm me down when my temper gets out of control or laugh with when someone tells a joke. I'll quit hosting if I lose you, Kaoru. I won't be happy anymore. And the worst thing is that if I try to forget you, I'll always see you again when I look in the mirror._

_Everybody misses you. They don't know what to do without you. I read them all your messages. I think they're breaking. All Mom ever does is look through family photos and baby pictures of us while sobbing. She just sits on the couch and never does anything for the whole day. She's actually stopped designing clothes and doing what she loves. Her company is losing money, but she doesn't even care._

_Dad has gotten into the habit of drinking. DRINKING, Kaoru. He's drunk all the time and usually comes home with so many different women that I don't know how many he's actually brought home. He hit me and Mom the other night. He got so angry about something that Mom said that he just started kicking and punching until he passed out. I had to crawl over to the phone and dial 911 because we were so injured. But don't be worried. We're okay now._

_Hunny-sempai has stopped eating sweets and now only hosts with a half-hearted smile and tears rolling down his face. His sweet little voice is always cracking with sorrow and Mori-sempai tries his best to be the strong one for the Host Club but sometimes he just breaks down crying in Hunny-sempai's arms. He doesn't know what to do with himself. He knows that everybody is sad but he can't do anything and it makes him feel worthless because he's supposed to protect us like we're family._

_Kyoya-sempai has been working non-stop with his police force to try and track you down, but according to him, you're very hard to find. He always has these dark bags under his eyes. I don't even think he sleeps anymore. He stays up really late in the Clubroom on his laptop trying to locate you. Sometimes he just walks over to me and stares for a long time until he turns around. Sometimes he slips up and calls me Kaoru and it just makes him feel worse._

_Haruhi is helping Kyoya-sempai research about all the different places you could've gone. They're trying to find any records showing that you left the country. I hope you didn't. That would mean I have to wait even longer until I can see you again. Even though you told her not to feel guilty, she does. Her grades have dropped from straight A's to a D average because she usually just cries and sleeps in class. She's lost a lot of weight. The Club is worried about her. We're really considering getting her help._

_Tono is trying to be the solid structure holding us all together, but I don't think that he can take it for a lot longer. He's hurting Kaoru. He doesn't want us to fall apart, but he's falling apart himself. He won't to show it, but he blames himself for you leaving. He thinks that he's failed as a friend. Did you know that he calls himself our 'father' because he sees us as his family? You probably did already, but I just found out. Come back, my twin, so that he doesn't feel that anymore. He doesn't smile or laugh anymore, and as much as I hate to admit it, I miss the old airheaded Tamaki. All he ever does now is think about where you could be and he gets frustrated over a bunch of things too. He's really strict and serious. He's never fun anymore. Come back so that he can continue to live life freely._

_I love you so much. I swear I'll find you, but until then,_

_Forever searching, Hikaru Hitachiin._

_P.S. Ignore the tears on this letter._

Hikaru set the pen down and swallowed the bile in his throat. Tears streamed from his hollow gold eyes and he laid his head down onto the desk. His body shook with quiet sobs. His eyes rose to the sight of the frame containing a picture of Kaoru and himself with their arms wrapped around each other, smiling like madmen. He walked over to the bed and lay down. The last thoughts that floated through his head before he dropped into unconsciousness were: _I love you. I won't stop until we are together again. No matter what it takes._

**Well, it wasn't as good as the last one, not really as tear-jerking either, but still, please tell me what you think through reviews! I hope you guys liked it! Also, in your reviews, please tell me your opinion on what you think should happen. Do they find Kaoru? Or is all hope lost forever? No flaming! Once again, sorry it's so late!**

**~Kaos Lucifer Ophelia Layne, 2011**


	3. Forever Remembering

**WELP! Here is Chapter 3 of Forever Yours! THANKS A BUNCH TO ALL MY REVIEWERS! ESPECIALLY THE ONES THAT HELPED WITH GIVING BIRTH TO THE PLOT BUNNIES! Sorry for the really long wait guys, but a LOT has happened this month; you have NO idea. I'll stop complaining now and get into the story! ~**

**Warnings: Contains unintentional self harm and LANGUAGE!**

**OHSHC © Bisco Hatori**

Sunlight streamed through the windowpanes and birds chirped gracefully outside. It really was a much too happy setting for the teen huddled under the covers. Something to better match his mood would be a dreary, rainy day spent in a dark room. Maybe also having his heart ripped out and stomped on until it was slush.

In short, he felt miserable. One of the reasons he felt this way was because recently, he had run away from home. He had run away from the one person who mattered the most to him. He had run away from his brother. His love. His Hikaru.

Some may say that this was wrong, for him to love his brother like that, but he just couldn't stop. Everything about his twin was perfect.

His silky bright orange hair carefully spiked in a way that made him look wonderful, like a male model of some sort, whereas Kaoru's was limp and such a dull colour that it would make someone want to throw up.

How Hikaru's vivid golden eyes shined brightly with mischief, and his were simply a less genuine, less beautiful, icky yellow copy of his brother's.

His twin's smooth, pale skin that made him unique and gorgeous, not unlike a marble statue of Adonis, but the younger's deathly white skin could blend in with the snow. It was disgusting.

He really couldn't understand how so many people thought that his brother and him were identical. Kaoru had spent many, many hours in front of a mirror trying to see even a little bit of Hikaru in him, but he just couldn't. He didn't look anything like his brother, despite what people constantly said. 'Identical.' Bullshit.

Tears leaked from Kaoru's eyes and he quickly reached up to wipe them away. There was no use in crying anymore. It's not like he could just go back and say: 'Hey Hika! I'm home! I just went on a little vacation for a few months but now I'm back! I hope you didn't miss me for too long!' Psh. Like he even _noticed_ I was gone. He was probably spending so much time with Haruhi that he didn't see his brother was missing.

"Ugh. I'm so stupid. I shouldn't think about him. I shouldn't be crying. It'll just make it hurt more." Although he told himself to stop, sobs racked through his frame. He curled in on himself and pretended that his arms were his brother's, enveloping himself in a tight hug. He could hear a voice whisper in his ear: "It's okay Kao-Kao. Hika-chan is here."

The redhead whipped around, but was greeted by thin air. Just another one of his hallucinations. He'd been having them a lot recently. Sometimes he'd hear Hikaru's voice or see him turn a corner but when he ran after him, he'd magically disappear. It was really messing with his head and it made their so much separation harder for him. He sometimes thought it would be better to have stayed with his brother and witness them inevitably drift apart than to have left, but endure the pain of being without him.

He didn't know if Hikaru was feeling the same way. Probably not. He was probably not even worrying about where his brother could've gone, if he'd even noticed. This thought made the younger twin collapse into another round of sobs.

His tawny eyes flickered around the room and landed on a shining object. He furrowed his brows and walked over to it. Reaching down and grabbing the object, he examined it. It was a piece of glass, seemingly coming from the broken mirror he stood in front of. It had probably happened on one of his rampages.

Whenever the pain grew to be too much for the poor boy he let all of it out by destroying everything in his sight. The expenses were crazy, but it was nothing money couldn't fix. He just wished the same terms would apply to his shattered heart. He'd snapped recently and it had left his house in shambles. 

The glass glimmered mysteriously. _'Hmm… I could use this to…' _He thought to himself and then shook his head, clearing the thought from his head. No! He wouldn't stoop that low. He could handle a little pain, couldn't he? It's not like the world was going to end if he didn't see his brother... But it sure felt like it would.

It was almost as if he had left his heart and soul back with Hikaru when he left. And now, his body realized what was missing. His chest throbbed and the emptiness was almost _unbearable_.

Maybe… It wasn't such a good idea to leave. A gasp escaped his lips when he looked down to his hands. Apparently, he'd been gripping the shard so tightly that it had made a deep gash in his palm.

Kaoru watched in detached fascination as the crimson liquid dripped slowly down his fingers. It was kind of… beautiful. The strange way the blood caught the rays of the sun in such a way that it made it look like a million tiny rubies were drowning in it. A sharp sensation pulsed through his nerves and he closed his eyes in agony.

_Ugh! That was so stupid! _He thought. _I need to pay more attention so I don't get myself in so many horrible situations! _But still, he couldn't help but focus on that one moment when the pain invaded his mind and his brother was pushed out.

It was kind of like all the thoughts of Hikaru no longer mattered and the only thing he could register was the blood seeping out of his hand. It was a fresh breath of air. He slowly lowered the glass to his arm once again

.oO0Oo.

By the time he'd cleaned up his arm, a knock resounded from the doorway.

"Um… I'll be right there! Just a minute!" He yelled, running to the entrance. He yanked open the door and was greeted to the sight of Mrs. Sakimoto, the landlord.

See, after he'd run away, he realized that he didn't have anywhere to go. Mrs. Sakimoto found him at the park and was nice enough to let him stay for free. The area was all right. Not what he was used to, but decent. When he first arrived at the motel, he remembered that when his mother and father were separating, they had to stay in the exact building because they didn't have any rights to the mansion.

Him and Hikaru would pretend that they were refugees with nowhere else to go, stuck in this strange world where no one knew who they really were and they weren't seen as aristocrats, members of the high society, but normal little boys. Now that he thought about it that was exactly the situation he was in now.

"Um... Hi, Mrs. Sakimoto. Uh… How can I help you?" He asked nervously.

Could this be about paying rent? Had she heard him sobbing earlier and come to see what was the matter? The possibilities were endless. Kaoru tried to prepare himself mentally for anything to happen.

"Mr. Shitsuren-" She started.

"Please call me Hiru." Kaoru replied.

"Hem hem. _Hiru_, I was told by the Ohtori police to ask every one of my occupants if they'd ever heard of a person named Kaoru Hitachiin."

The world stopped. His palms were sweaty. He choked up. "U-um. Kaoru Hitachiin? I've never heard of him. Uh, w-why are they as-asking? Did he d-do something wrong?" The redhead managed to say.

Mrs. Sakimoto regarded him carefully. "He ran away from home. So you have not heard of him? Hm. I shall be on my way then." She said before walking away, heels clacking loudly in the boy's ears.

Kaoru slid down the door after closing it. They were _still _looking for him? He'd heard about the missing person's alert on the news the first week, but after awhile, the excitement died down. It wasn't such a huge deal anymore. But now, they were back. Why wait this long? Had they been searching the entire time? The musing stopped abruptly. He had to go. He had to leave soon. Surely they wouldn't be able to track him down _that_ easily. But just in case…

Kaoru ran to the washroom and opened one of the cupboards. _Where… Where did I put it? _"Aha!" He yelled, pulling out a bottle of black hair dye. _I can't have them recognizing me… I have to change. I can't look like Kaoru Hitachiin anymore._

.oO0Oo.

Two hours later, the ex-twin looked like a different person. Pitch black hair that fell limply around his face. Not styled as normal, it sort of looked like Kyoya-sempai's. His new green-tinted eye contacts masked his unique yellow shade. A gray commoners jacket, jeans and sneakers completed the look.

He had to get out. They knew where this place was. He couldn't stay here anymore. He wasn't safe. They _couldn't _find him. He couldn't go back to that place. To her. To _him_. They would make him go back if they found him. It would not happen. He wouldn't let it happen.

Kaoru yanked his backpack onto his shoulder and ran out of the room, leaving the key on the counter.

"Is that you Mr. Shitsuren? What happened? Where are you going?" Mrs. Sakimoto yelled after him as he rushed out the door and into the windy night. With all the weight he lost these past six months, the cold sank quickly into his skin, chilling him to the bone.

His teeth chattered painfully and he ran wherever his feet led him. He stopped for breath and looked up to see that he had stopped at an airport.

_Guess I'll be going farther than I expected._ He thought, running into the building.

.oO0Oo.

England. He was going to England. That was halfway around the world. And so far away. So far away from Japan. But it would be for Hikaru's sake. Anything for Hikaru. He bought the ticket with cash, so that no one could track his credit card and see where he was going. He would honestly miss his brother. He still did. And he knew that if he left, the loss would slowly eat at him until he died. It would be a slow painful death, but maybe that was what he deserved.

Maybe he deserved to suffer. Because he had committed an unforgivable sin. He had fallen in love with his own twin brother. He deserved to be punished for such a disgusting, horrible, abnormal, horrific action. He deserved to die.

"_This is the last boarding call for all passengers on Air Japan flight 609 with service to England!" _A metallic voice echoed from the speakers. Kaoru grabbed his baggage and ran as quickly as he could to the gate.

.oO0Oo.

_Hikaru-kun, _

_I'm on the airplane now… I just can't believe I'm actually going through with this. I keep thinking that you're going to jump out of nowhere and yell: 'Haha! Fooled you, Kao! Did you seriously think I would let you leave?' _

_But I know that you won't. You won't come for me… I think we just took off… It happened. I can't get off now. I'm leaving you behind. _

_I'm sorry Hikaru. I'll always lo- Wait. I won't say it. You don't, so I'll stop. If you don't feel that way about me, I'll make sure that I don't feel that way about you. _

…_I miss you already, Hika. I don't know how I'm going to live without you. Before, at the motel, I could at least take comfort in the fact that I was still within a train's ride away from you. But I don't think any train will get me to you now. _

_I hope that if you're looking for me, you'll stop soon Hikaru. I... I don't want you to find me. I know that I'll feel miserable and abandoned, but I'll get by. _

_I know that you aren't reading this, but I want you to know that Kaoru says: 'don't do anything stupid or out of line'. I don't want to be the one directing your life, but please, just marry Haruhi. Have kids and grow old. Without me. You don't need me anymore. We've always been side by side, and now we have to learn to cope without each other._

_I don't know about you, but I'm probably going to take it hard. Just don't worry about me. I'll… I… I'll be okay. I might never get over it, but I'll learn to hide my feelings soon enough. I'm going by the name Hiru Shitsuren now… Don't ask why. It just popped into my head. I can't have people knowing who I am, now can I?_

…_My arm is really starting to hurt. I put bandages on it, but it just won't stop bleeding. If you still cared about me Hikaru, I know what you'd say. 'Kaoru! You idiot! Why would you do something like that? Baka! It's bad to hurt yourself, you know?' And then you'd give me a hug and tell me to never worry you like that again._

_But you don't care about me anymore do you, brother?_

_The lady next to me is looking at me strange now because I started crying. I just… Can't help it. I miss you! I miss you so much, Hikaru! Screw the crap that I said about learning to live individually! I want you back! I can't survive without you! I can't!_

_Hika… I love you! I can't stop myself! I'll always, always, always, ALWAYS love you! No matter what! People can call me names and make fun of me and even send me to jail! But they can't stop me from feeling what I feel! They can't take away my love for you because it's wrong and immoral! Damn the government! Who cares about them!_

_We can run away and be happy… Together… But you don't return my feelings. So that would never happen. _

_How's it going with you and Haruhi? Good? Have you confessed your feelings for her yet? You should. She can't wait forever, you know. I hope you do it soon. If you don't, who knows? Maybe Milord WILL get her after all. _

_This is off topic, but it kind of just sunk into my head completely. I've actually left you behind. I've always been right behind you, always. Like a shadow. Never arguing with anything you ever said, never expressing my opinion on things, but forever there nevertheless. I just now realize that I'll probably never see you again. But you'll always be there, making it impossible for me to forget you._

_You'll be there every time I style my hair; you'll be there every time I struggle over my math homework and you'll definitely be there every time I look in the mirror. _

_You always said that that was the best thing about being twins, but now I think it may be more of a curse than a blessing. Everyday, I try to make myself even more different from you so that I won't remind myself of the twin I left behind._

_I'm looking out the window now and I see Big Ben. You know the famous clock tower in London? Yes. I'm finally here. In England. God know _how _many miles away from my old life. I am now Hiru Ka Shitsuren, a foreign exchange student from Japan looking to become a fashion designer or an author, if possible…_

_I wish you all the best Hikaru Hitachiin. Good luck with your life and my only wish is that you forget that I ever existed. Nobody by the name of Kaoru Hitachiin ever had any part in your life. _

_Forget all the years we played Hide and Seek in the rose gardens. Forget all the times we ran from an angry mother and crayon soiled ball gowns. Forget the years in middle school when every one called us weird. Forget all the good memories in the Host Club…. Forget you ever had a twin._

_It'll be hard for a while, but you'll manage. You were always the stronger one out of the both of us. You were the one who pushed me to join the Host Club and eventually the first one to take a step out of our small, small world._

_It's kind of like a bird's nest. But one where the mother is never there. So for their entire lives, the birds have been trapped in that nest. Unable to make friends because the mom was never there to teach them how to fly and get out of the nest. So they just stayed there for 15 years, alone, but together. Then one day, the eldest bird caught sight of a female bird. She was so beautiful and different that the bird flapped his wings, wanting to fly._

_The only thing holding him back was the younger bird. He didn't want his brother to go. What would he do in that nest? All alone? The little bird didn't even know how to fly yet. He didn't know what he would do without the elder. So the older bird stayed for a while longer with his brother, all the while wanting to leave and get the girl before anyone else._

_So one day, the youngest bird finally let the older one fly away and have a life without his brother. Every day, the young bird silently watched as his brother flew further and further away from the nest. And then, the younger bird learned how to fly. So he left. He left the nest, and he left everything he ever knew. He was never seen again. And he planned to keep it that way._

_You might remember me someday, but by then, I'll just be a faint no-named silhouette etched into your memory. You just focus on forgetting about all of the years we were together… On second thought, that would be most of our lives up until this year. Just remember your life as if you never had a sibling. You do that. But I won't. The rules don't apply to me. I'm going to make myself suffer with the memories. _

_Forever remembering,_

_Kaoru Hitachiin_

Kaoru snapped his notebook shut and stuffed it in the seat pocket in front of him. That woman beside him was still eyeing him strangely. He rolled his eyes and sighed.

"_Attention all passengers. We are beginning our descent into London, England. This is Air Japan and it has been our pleasure to have you on our flight. Arigato Gozaimasu." _

The redhead closed his eyes tightly as the plane landed. When he opened them, he was a little bit shocked. He was half expecting everything to have been just been a very bad dream. A shaky breath escaped his thin lips.

As he exited the aircraft, Hikaru's faint voice echoed hollowly in his ears.

"It's okay, Kao. It'll all be okay soon…"

**Hiru Shitsuren****- **

**A shorter explanation of WHY I chose this as his fake name is: **

**(1) Hiru: I figured that Kaoru would've subconsciously wanted to be close to Hikaru in some way, even if only by name. So, I took the name 'Hikaru', took out the 'ka' because it sort of symbolizes that 'Ka'oru is out of Hikaru's life. **

**(2) Shitsuren: It means 'broken heart'.**

**Baka-**

**It means 'fool, 'stupid' or 'fool'.**

**Arigato Gozaimasu-**

**It means: 'Thank you very much'. **

**Thanks again for reading and continuing to read! Reviews are, as always, AWESOME (No flaming, but I'm glad to hear your opinions), and I'm so glad that you guys are enjoying the story so far, it means so much to me! **

**~Kaos :D **


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